just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm getting married
To pizza
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
