I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
