Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
