You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
did you just send me my own nude
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
