Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
