I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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