I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
