The maid of honor just puked.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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