we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
