I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
