I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
