dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
