Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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