Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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