Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
