Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
