The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Welp...herpes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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