Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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