I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
