Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
