wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sobbing to NWA
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
