laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
