What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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