are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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