Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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