i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
