I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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