I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
