Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
