YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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