You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
