Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
