I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
