I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
