To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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