I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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