did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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