In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
