I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
