watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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