Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
