Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
