I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
