Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
