i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
