Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
