I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
