Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
