apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
