a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
