so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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