when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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