there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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