You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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