I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
