Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
