This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
