I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
