sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
