turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This baby is an asshole
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
