and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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