dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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