if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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