Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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