Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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