Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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