I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
