Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
