I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
