I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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