I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
