I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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